Abuse

There are many forms of abuse, each with distinct characteristics—but all involve a violation of trust, safety, and dignity. Social workers, GP's counsellors, therapists, care assistants and others in similar professions are all trained to look out for signs of abuse and have a duty to safeguard vulnerable people such as children, older people and those with disabilities however, we all have a responsibility to protect those that may need it, so knowing the signs of abuse not only informs ourselves but also might help us spot it happening to someone else that may not be able to help themselves.   So. lets look at the facts and then the feels.

The facts.....

• Physical Abuse: Use of force causing injury or pain—e.g., hitting, slapping, burning, restraint.
• Sexual Abuse: Any non-consensual sexual act or behaviour—includes assault, harassment, coercion.
• Emotional/Psychological Abuse: Verbal threats, humiliation, manipulation, gaslighting, isolation.
• Domestic Abuse: Abuse within intimate or family relationships—can include physical, emotional, sexual, or financial abuse.
• Financial/Material Abuse: Theft, fraud, exploitation, misuse of property or benefits.
• Neglect or Acts of Omission: Failing to provide basic needs—food, shelter, medical care, emotional support.
• Self-Neglect: When a person fails to care for themselves, risking health or safety.
• Discriminatory Abuse: Harassment or unfair treatment based on race, gender, disability, age, religion, or sexual orientation.
• Organisational Abuse: Abuse within institutions—e.g., poor care practices, rigid routines, lack of dignity.
• Modern Slavery: Human trafficking, forced labour, domestic servitude, sexual exploitation  

• Unexplained injuries or frequent hospital visits
• Withdrawal, fearfulness, or sudden changes in behaviour
• Missing money or possessions
• Poor hygiene or untreated medical issues
• Isolation from friends or support networks
• Inconsistent stories or reluctance to speak

If you suspect someone is being abused—whether it's physical, emotional, sexual, financial, or neglect—the most important thing is to respond with care and take appropriate action, there is some great advice at Safeguarding Ireland.  If you or someone else is in immediate danger call the emergency services  at 999 or 112 or use the Garda Confidential Line on 1800 666 111. 

The feels.....

Personal experiences of abuse are deeply individual, but they often share common threads: isolation, fear, confusion, and a gradual erosion of self-worth. It takes immense courage to seek help and it can be very difficult because of the common threads mentioned before.  Isolation can mean we've been cut off from all the people we might have turned to for support before the abuser cut us off from our family and friends. Fear can mean that we are so scared of the consequences for us or our children if the abuser found out we had told someone that we choose to bear it and hope that things will get better.  Confusion can mean that we don't even know if what we are experiencing is abuse, the abuser can be an expert at making us feel that they are protecting us that we don't realise we are no longer allowed to go anywhere without explaining our self.  Erosion of self-worth can look like criticism that starts small 'you're too sensitive', but over time builds and we begin to doubt our own reactions and opinions. Other stories are:

He controlled the money. I had to ask before buying groceries. He'd "forget" to transfer funds, then blame me for being irresponsible. I felt like I was shrinking—emotionally, socially, financially.

Or..

When I tried to leave, he cried. Promised therapy. Said he couldn't live without me. I stayed. For another year.

So you see, it can be subtle or overt but always unacceptable.  No one deserves to be abused by another person in any way.  Always seek help in the safest way possible, it's not always easy or straight forward so you may need to seek advice before you decide what your next move will be.  The level of support you have from family and friends, your financial position, if you have children and so on are all factors that are going to influence how you proceed.  Go to Resources for some numbers to call for advice.