The Circles of Control
The Circles of Control are often used in personal development and leadership to help us recognise and distinguish between what we can control and what we cannot. By focusing on our own actions, responses, and decisions, rather than that of others, we are focusing are time and energy where it actually matters and where we can make a difference. If we notice that we spend more time judging. criticising and thinking about what others have done or not done, we may notice that our dissatisfaction, irritation, and general sense of helplessness increases whilst our sense of wellbeing decreases.
Understanding the Circles of Control can help individuals and teams focus on what truly matters, enabling them to make better decisions and foster a positive home and work environment. It encourages a proactive approach to challenges by concentrating on the aspects of a situation that can be influenced.
Here are some useful mantras or affirmations that can be used as a reminder throughout the day!
"I focus on what I can control, and I let go of what I cannot."
I'm doing the best that I can with what I have."
What do I think, what do I want, what do I believe?"
So, if we look at the diagram on the left, we can see that the inner circle represents what we can control. Spending more time and focus in this area means we are enhancing our ability to influence outcomes through our thoughts, actions, and behaviour. However, we may also be aware that we are spending more time in the outer circle. These are all external factors that lie beyond our control, what other people think or what they do is really their business rather than ours. Of course, we can have some influence on other people, and some diagrams have a third circle, the Circle of Influence, to represent this. By recognizing our circle of control, we empower ourselves to let go of worries related to external circumstances. This shift in perspective is essential for personal growth, as it allows us to invest our time and resources into areas that yield positive results, fostering a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
If you'd like to give this exercise a go, print off the worksheet below, and use these instructions, to help you fill it in.
1. Choose a Focus Area
Pick a current challenge, worry, or situation (e.g., workplace stress, family conflict, health concern).
Write it at the top of the page or in the margin.
2. Sort Your Thoughts
Reflect on the situation and jot down everything that's on your mind.
Then, place each item into the appropriate circle:
🟢 Inner Circle: Your actions, choices, boundaries, attitude, self-talk, routines
🔴 Outer Circle: Other people's behaviour, past events, systemic issues, future unknowns
3. Pause and Reflect
Notice where most of your energy has been going.
Ask yourself:
"What's one thing in my inner circle I can act on today?"
"What can I gently release from the outer circle?"
4. Take a Small Action
Choose one item from your inner circle and commit to a small, doable step.
Examples:
Reframe a thought - Set a boundary - Practice self-compassion - Adjust your schedule -