Domestic Violence

This is a serious situation to be in, unfortunately, whilst we would like to think it couldn't possibly happen to us, the truth is, it can happen to anyone and once in that situation, it can be very difficult to get out of.  So, first we have a description of what it is and how to recognise it, and then an explanation of what it feels like.

The facts....

What does it look like?

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviour used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner or family member. It can take many forms, including physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, and financial.

Types of Domestic Violence

  • Physical Abuse – Hitting, slapping, choking, kicking, basically any form of physical harm.

  • Emotional & Psychological Abuse – Manipulation, gaslighting, threats, or isolation from loved ones.

  • Sexual Abuse – Coercion, assault, or any unwanted sexual activity.

  • Financial Abuse – Controlling access to money, preventing financial independence.

  • Coercive Control – A pattern of behaviours designed to dominate and isolate a person

Effects of Domestic Violence

Individuals may experience:

  • Anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
  • Physical injuries or long-term health issues.
  • Loss of self-esteem and confidence.
  • Difficulty maintaining relationships or employment.

Also:

  • Hope & Fear Cycle – Moments of kindness or apologies from the abuser can create false hope, making it harder to leave
  • Loss of Identity – Feeling like they no longer recognize themselves due to emotional exhaustion and control.
  • Isolation – Being cut off from friends, family, or support systems, making escape feel impossible.
  • Self-Doubt & Guilt – Questioning whether the abuse is their fault, often due to manipulation and gaslighting.
  • Walking on Eggshells – Feeling like every action or word could trigger anger or violence.

Recognizing abuse is the first step toward escaping it. Support systems, therapy, and crisis resources can help survivors regain control and rebuild their lives.  

The feels....

Being in a relationship where domestic violence is happening can have devastating consequences, not only for the person it's happening too but also for those around them, for example, children may be witness to what is happening which can be scary and impactful on their wellbeing. It's very common for abuse to build slowly over time, most likely the person is amazing at first, kind, loving all the things you want them to be. However, you may start to notice things you don't like but this person may be very subtle and clever, making you feel perhaps it was a one off or it didn't happen or you make allowances because you want to be a good, understanding partner. Over time though these incidents will build and before you are even aware of what has happened you are no longer happy and the person is no longer the one you first met.  It can be really difficult to recognize how much control the abuser has taken away because it starts so slowly and at this point they may have also isolated you from friends and family, making it harder to reach out for help. The worst part? You start questioning yourself, wondering if it's really "that bad" or if you're just overreacting. When things escalate, it can feel like there's no way out. The abuser might apologize, promise to change, or blame you for their actions, making it even harder to leave. Fear of retaliation, financial dependence, or just the emotional toll can keep someone stuck in the cycle.  But here's the truth: It's not your fault, and you deserve safety and respect. There is help out there so please try not to feel embarrassed or frightened about reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or support organization.  

If you want to read more personal stories or find support, check out Safe Ireland or Citizens Information. You're not alone, and help is out there. 💙