Values

"To create the conditions for genuine happiness in your life, you'll first need to know what matters to you" and then find ways to make it part of daily living (Forsyth & Eifert, 2016, p. 213)

Values involve ongoing action; they are like directions we keep moving in, for example if I want to head West, I can travel in that direction however, I will never reach 'West', because its not a destination. Or let's look at it this way, if you want to be a loving, caring, supportive partner, they are values that involves ongoing actions. In contrast, if you want to get married, that's a goal.  Goals are the rivers, roads, mountains or valleys we may have to cross whilst on our journey West, these are achievements that can be 'crossed off' our to do list.  Values are ongoing. (No matter how far West you go, you never reach it!)  - they cannot be 'crossed off' or achieved.  So, I hope you can see the difference, values are not the same as goals. A person's core values are the things that are essential for them to have in their lives for them to be satisfied and content. They are not something they aspire to or something they feel they should value.   

Step 1: Reflection

On a separate piece of paper, answer the following as fully as you can without overthinking:

How do I want to be when I'm around other people?

How do I want to contribute to the world?

What traits in others do I most admire/respect?

How would you like others to describe you, what would they say at your eulogy?

Think of a time when you felt really good, what was going on in your life then?

What do you feel gives your life meaning and purpose?

How do you choose to spend your time and money?

Step 3: Current values assessment

Your daily habits and routines say a lot about what you value. Take some time to examine how you actually spend your days, not just how you wish you spent them or think you should. Look for patterns in how you allot your time and energy. What do you make time for each day without fail? What do you struggle to find time for? This examination can reveal priorities you didn't even realize you had.

Make a list of everything you do regularly, from the moment you wake up to when you go to sleep. Include things like:

Exercising - Making meals - Commuting to work - Calling friends/family – Reading - Watching TV – Volunteering – Scrolling on phone

Are there any surprises on your list? Anything you do daily but don't recognize as a priority These habitual actions demonstrate what you authentically care about. Do you notice any patterns in the choices you make? The values that drive you are revealed through the options you select daily, big and small. Do you choose experiences over material goods? Adventure over stability? Creativity over conformity? Social activities over alone time?

Step 2: Life Domains

List the following in order of priority:

Intimate partner

Family (other than partner)

Friends/relationships

Parenting

Fun/recreation

Physical wellbeing

Work

Education

Environment

Community

Spirituality

Now, beside each domain, on a scale of 1-10, rate how well you feel you are doing in each of these areas.

Step 4: Question Your Choices

For each item on your list, ask yourself why you made that choice or did that activity? What does it bring/give me? How does it align with my values and priorities? For example, if calling your parents is on the list, it likely shows you value family and relationships. If scrolling is a habit, examine what you're choosing to look at and why? Do you see any patterns? What is your list lacking? Are you spending enough time doing things that bring you joy and pleasure? Are your activities always focused on others or yourself?

The habits and routines you establish each day should reflect what matters most in your life. Take an honest look at how you spend your time each day, does it align with your values? Are your choices and decisions moving you towards or way from what you want your life to look like?